Focus

I don't has it.

I've always prided myself on being a good raider. I know how to play. Previous to my current guild, I've always easily outperformed 75% of people in the same role as me. The fact that I'm only a mediocre player now is a good thing, because it means that I don't sit there being frustrated because people aren't doing their job.

Maybe it's because I've moved from being an officer to being a member, but I seem to be... focusing less in raids. I mess around a bit, especially on trash. Sometimes I go bearform and taunt mobs - I've been oneshot a couple of times because of this - but, y'know, it's just trash, nobody cares! It's really come to a peak, however, on Kael'thas. The absolute low point of my raiding experience in this guild has to have been when I was jumping in circles around Telonicus - in phase one, no less - since I had no healing to do, and yet! I managed to get myself oneshot by dynamite. Kael is supposed to be one of the hardest fights in the game, and here I am messing around dying to stupid stuff.

I think I perform at my best on fights like Vaelestrasz, or Kazzak, or how I imagine Brutallus or Patchwerk to be. Fights that aren't about controlling gimmicks like adds or phases or move-out-of-the-fire. Fights where you have to play HARD. Fights where the tank dies, where the boss enrages, where the healers run out of mana. I'm not jumping in circles in those fights. I'm pressing my Frostbolt key really fucking hard, or frantically cycling my tanking rotation, or rolling lifeblooms across two tanks and raid healing when I can. Where avoidable damage is basically 'do not get cleaved, firebreathed, or tailslapped,' and all the rogues are standing under a wing and popping their cooldowns. If the fight requires me to play at 100%, then I'm good; I can focus; I can stare at my raid frames and wish my GCD was shorter for the whole ten minutes, and then I exhale in relief and realise how tense my shoulders are.

But... healing Kael isn't challenging. I pretend to DPS Thaladred. I put three lifeblooms and a rejuv on Sanguinar's tank and watch his green bar stay put. I put hots on Capernian's tank and occasionally swiftmend. I... jump in circles around Telonicus. I give it a second then put lifeblooms on the weapon tanks. I catform-dash to the other end of the room and then heal Capernian's tank. I put hots on the phoenix tank and raid heal.

It's really fucking boring. And so I lose interest, lose focus, and make stupid mistakes.

I suppose being a resto druid contributes to this - since I heal proactively rather than reactively, I just have to lifebloom once every seven seconds and can spend the rest of the time jumping around. Maybe I should go back to DPS.